Last January, I said goodbye to Tony as he left for Basic Training in Georgia. Tony has always had a heart for the military and to serve his country. He decided to join the Alaska Army Guard and that included a time of about five months that we had apart from each other while he went to training.
Man, it is SO true that you never realize how much you have until you don't have it anymore. Tony was not able to call me so we were only able to write letters during this time until the last month of his training when we could talk on the phone. For the first five months, he could call but I never knew when he might call. I missed one of his phone calls once... that was definitely heart wrenching.
Some things I learned during our time apart:
1) God is always, always, always a provider. ALWAYS. Tony is such an important part of my life, but I know that my love and fire for the Lord was renewed and refreshed during this time as I learned to lean completely on the Lord and not on any person for fulfillment. It is so easy in marriage (and in life in general!) to look to our spouse (or other things or people or worldly things) for our identity/ completion/ satisfaction but being apart allowed me to remember that my identity can be found ONLY in Christ.
2) Extremely difficult tasks should be taken second by second, hour by hour, moment by moment, day by day, one step at a time until you reach the end or your goal. The idea of Tony being gone for so long really frightened me at the beginning of his leaving. The first couple weeks were pretty hard. But, I soon learned that time started to fly by if I focused on each day and the tasks I had ahead instead of the overwhelming mountain that seemed like five months. Another thing I was reminded of: fear is never from God. Any time I faced something that seemed too overwhelming and caused me to be anxious and fearful, I was reminded that I am a daughter of God and my God is awesome, powerful, mighty, sovereign, in control, perfect, and loving. He knows what He is doing and why and he is taking care of all of the little things (and big things). Fear is always from the enemy. No difficult thing we can face, not even death, should bring fear for those that believe in Jesus Christ.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self control." 2 Timothy 1:7
3) Another thing I learned is that I have a strong community here in Alaska and that Alaska is my home. Mine being Anna's. Yes, Tony and I live here. But Alaska became my home when Tony was gone. I belong here in this crazy, moose and bear filled, snowy, icy, oceany, beautiful, breath taking, friendly, surprising, glorious paradise of a state. God called me here clearly and directly. Most days, I can see exactly why He called Tony and I here. I know this place is ripe with ministry opportunities and God has given me platform after platform to shout from the mountaintops (literally) about how amazing He is. Other days, I doubt why I am here and struggle with my decision about moving here.
If I am being completely honest, before this time Tony and I had apart, there was a part of me that believed that Texas contained my truest and dearest family and friends and that the people I knew here in Alaska would never come close to my Texas relationships. The last year changed me. I can see now that I needed time completely apart from Tony for God to show me in abundance that He has me here for a reason and that reason includes all of the people and relationships He had in store for me here. My work community, my church community, my family and friends and so many others. I have had to realize that my relationships are going to look completely different at different seasons. It is not healthy or God honoring (in fact it shows a complete lack of trust in God) to keep looking back to how things were or what could have been or what I think should have been but instead to realize that the life God had in mind for me here in Alaska is full of life and joy and an incredible community of believers. God has a plan for me here. He has a plan for all of us!
4) Before Tony left, he handled a lot of the finances. So when I knew he was leaving, I was worried about handling bills and taxes and mortgage all on my own. I had developed a lot of stress and worry because I do love to spend and can tend to overspend and I knew with Tony gone, I would have to have self control and discipline. I prayed a lot, asking God to help me honor Tony in saving money and taking care of finances. The coolest thing was that I really began to see why Tony made a lot of decisions previously and that really helped me to see why in marriage, we really need to work on finances as a team. I started to get really excited about saving money and thinking about bigger things we could spend on, like trips or house projects, as opposed to the little things I typically wanted to spend on that weren't worth it. Since Tony has been back from training, we have really learned to work so much better together on our budget and want to reach financial goals together. God used finances (one of the things I was most worried about) to show me that when I seek to honor God in all things and honor Tony, I come out better on the other side. It has lead me to really recommend to all couples to take time to learn how to each work on the finances and to set goals together. It was a really freeing experience and definitely helped our marriage to be stronger and more unified in the area of budgeting and finances and just united in general!
One last note on the topic of budget: I highly recommend married couples to have one shared bank account. Having separate accounts creates division. When Tony and I got married, we committed to loving each other completely and being completely unified. If one of us had debt or had trouble with overspending (me!) or whatever it might be, you commit to working through those issues together. It will make your marriage stronger! :)
In conclusion, I can't believe how much I learned about God, myself, and marriage while Tony was gone. Be encouraged, military wives, that God is in control and loves you and will take care of you every moment, no matter what you may face, even when you are apart from your man.
Blessed be the Lord, my rock,
who trains my hands for war,
and my fingers for battle;
2 he is my steadfast love and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.
Psalm 144:1-2
I got to surprise Tony and went to see his Basic Graduation. It was so much fun to see his face when he saw me (even though he had his suspicions about me coming to see him).
We got to visit the National Infantry Museum- we really enjoyed it!
Basic Graduation
Since we were in Georgia, we had to order some barbecue and sweet tea.
We got to have a date night after a long time without seeing each other. It definitely makes you appreciate going on dates!!
One night, this sunset was our view while walking along the Chattahoochee River. God's creation is just amazing.
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