There are many kinds of busyness. I am still working through what that word means. Is it a feeling we bring on ourselves because of overcommitment or does it just happen sometimes? Maybe it's a combination of the two. I think we can prevent busyness by saying NO at times. Whatever it means, I've felt it for awhile now. It's probably because I am full time teaching, coaching, and trying to get my masters in counseling all at the same time. I am also passionate about all of those things.
Signs I have the diagnosis BUSY include crying at anything, making snappy comments, feeling irritable and impatient, and finding that no matter how much sleep I get I never feel rest.
BUSY is a word we hear thrown around pretty often. In a church group: "Pray for me, I have been feeling busy lately". Catching up with someone and asking how they are doing: "We are doing well, just very busy". I hear these phrases and use them myself all the time!
I think tiredness and busyness are hard feelings to navigate. I have found that time is an interesting beast. I believe it is sinful and wasteful to not use your time in a way that glorifies the Lord. We should be analyzing our time to ensure we are honoring the Lord with it. But this can play itself out in either two ways: 1) we can be lazy with our time and use it selfishly, not being productive and not finding ways to serve the Lord in our time or 2) we can overcommit in our time, saying yes to everything anyone asks, which is also clearly unhealthy as it does not allow you time with those that you have a responsibility to be investing in (i.e. Family, church community, nonbelievers) or time with the Lord.
It's clearly a good thing that I am figuring out this whole busyness thing out before having children as I imagine it just continues to become an untamable beast if not properly identified and worked through.
Some things I have found helpful when feeling exhausted is to ask myself 1) have I been spending time with the Lord and praying and 2) have I made time for my husband. I am a person who delights in giving. God calls us to give of ourselves. But I find a dangerous line to be giving when my cup is empty. I want my cup to be overflowing with God and His truth and the JOY that comes from knowing and walking with my Jesus. Only then can I give fully to those around me. Too often I am giving from an empty cup, an empty heart, an empty soul. I am only telling someone yes because I feel I must, not because I feel joy out of it. This is dangerous territory.
The filter of what I should say YES and NO to is so hard for me. The WHY behind what we are saying YES and NO to is important. Sometimes we say YES because we feel guilty or that we may let someone down or because it is a good cause so we HAVE to. Surely, there are countless "good causes" we can be a part of if we said yes to them all. So, the truth is we CAN'T say yes to everything. And sometimes I think that is what I don't want to admit. There is a lot of pride in being involved with awesome events and stellar people. So telling someone NO seems like weakness. "Maybe they will think I'm lazy", I think to myself. "Maybe I will look like I don't care". But, if I analyze my concerns, all of those concerns revolve around what PEOPLE think about me, not God. Doing something out of fear of what people think about us is not a good reason to say yes to something. Doing something because you know you are passionate about it and God has called you to do it. BAM. Yes, that is a good reason. I believe wholeheartedly that the first step I should take is to pray about what I am committing to and to trust that God will guide me.
Tony and I will have been married for five years this coming October. Crazy to think how fast it goes! Crazier to think that every day I am still learning new things about how to do this thing called marriage. I am still learning about Tony, the man I married and I find that every day I am still surprised. That is why we should never stop dating our spouses. People are complex, full of stories, full of nuances to explore and investigate. Every day of marriage is an adventure. Your spouse deserves your love, focused attention, and willingness to partner every day. They are worth it (I promise).
Back to my point about busyness though. I knew I had serious problem with busyness and the word NO when I told one of my students that I would buy every flavor of Girl Scout Cookies. To me, it was like DUH. Girl Scout Cookies + my students. Two things that everyone should say yes to all the time. I would give anything for my students. And this particular student is one that I have uniquely mentored toward the Lord. But, the other side of the coin is that every flavor of Girl Scout cookies costs a LOT of money! (Something I am still working on taking into consideration when I say YES to things) I have learned that when I don't talk with my husband about things I am making decisions on (time like committing to an event or money or other important things), it does not show him value and love. I have learned a golden phrase I must share with you all. When someone asks you for money or to commit your time to an event or organization, the very FIRST thing you should say if you are married is, "Let me talk to my husband/wife and I will get back to you." This allows you the chance to talk to your spouse, pray about the commitment, and then decide. I don't know why it took me four years to figure that one out but hopefully I can spare someone else some pain. Pain that came from one too many thousand YES's and dealing with the consequences.
I love the phrase: "do the next right thing". It's crazy to think that the minutes of our life become the days, the months, the years until our life is over. So man oh man is time so precious. How we use our time is a very significant question. I try to push myself through the busy seasons by taking one step, one task, one shopping trip, one appointment, one accountability group, one commitment at a time. "Do the next right thing" and soon your life will have been filled wholesome ways you have spent your time. Just make sure the time you are spending is time well spent- that your YES's come from a heart of joy and passion, not duty and guilt. I don't have children yet but I also don't want to spend time always folding laundry and doing dishes. I would rather have a dirty house and a thousand memories of snuggling and kissing and movie watching and game playing and talking and reading than a clean house and none of those memories or simply less of them. The dishes can wait. The school board can find someone else. The church can find others to step up when needed. FAMILY is too important to neglect. I have had to learn that I am not the answer to every organization's needs. My pride likes to think that I am. But the truth is that God is in charge, not me. And the Lord uses our stepping down to allow someone else to lead, to find their passion and their joy.
So when we say NO and learn to balance rest and busyness, we can trust that our NO is in good hands, it's in the hands of the Lord. So I can sit back, stop controlling, and watch what happens when the Lord works.
Take a note from my dog, Sage. She says YES to naps, hiking, getting excited to see people, and stealing butter off of the counter to eat it in her bed. She has no shame in saying YES to the things she loves. :)
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Signs I have the diagnosis BUSY include crying at anything, making snappy comments, feeling irritable and impatient, and finding that no matter how much sleep I get I never feel rest.
BUSY is a word we hear thrown around pretty often. In a church group: "Pray for me, I have been feeling busy lately". Catching up with someone and asking how they are doing: "We are doing well, just very busy". I hear these phrases and use them myself all the time!
I think tiredness and busyness are hard feelings to navigate. I have found that time is an interesting beast. I believe it is sinful and wasteful to not use your time in a way that glorifies the Lord. We should be analyzing our time to ensure we are honoring the Lord with it. But this can play itself out in either two ways: 1) we can be lazy with our time and use it selfishly, not being productive and not finding ways to serve the Lord in our time or 2) we can overcommit in our time, saying yes to everything anyone asks, which is also clearly unhealthy as it does not allow you time with those that you have a responsibility to be investing in (i.e. Family, church community, nonbelievers) or time with the Lord.
It's clearly a good thing that I am figuring out this whole busyness thing out before having children as I imagine it just continues to become an untamable beast if not properly identified and worked through.
Some things I have found helpful when feeling exhausted is to ask myself 1) have I been spending time with the Lord and praying and 2) have I made time for my husband. I am a person who delights in giving. God calls us to give of ourselves. But I find a dangerous line to be giving when my cup is empty. I want my cup to be overflowing with God and His truth and the JOY that comes from knowing and walking with my Jesus. Only then can I give fully to those around me. Too often I am giving from an empty cup, an empty heart, an empty soul. I am only telling someone yes because I feel I must, not because I feel joy out of it. This is dangerous territory.
The filter of what I should say YES and NO to is so hard for me. The WHY behind what we are saying YES and NO to is important. Sometimes we say YES because we feel guilty or that we may let someone down or because it is a good cause so we HAVE to. Surely, there are countless "good causes" we can be a part of if we said yes to them all. So, the truth is we CAN'T say yes to everything. And sometimes I think that is what I don't want to admit. There is a lot of pride in being involved with awesome events and stellar people. So telling someone NO seems like weakness. "Maybe they will think I'm lazy", I think to myself. "Maybe I will look like I don't care". But, if I analyze my concerns, all of those concerns revolve around what PEOPLE think about me, not God. Doing something out of fear of what people think about us is not a good reason to say yes to something. Doing something because you know you are passionate about it and God has called you to do it. BAM. Yes, that is a good reason. I believe wholeheartedly that the first step I should take is to pray about what I am committing to and to trust that God will guide me.
Tony and I will have been married for five years this coming October. Crazy to think how fast it goes! Crazier to think that every day I am still learning new things about how to do this thing called marriage. I am still learning about Tony, the man I married and I find that every day I am still surprised. That is why we should never stop dating our spouses. People are complex, full of stories, full of nuances to explore and investigate. Every day of marriage is an adventure. Your spouse deserves your love, focused attention, and willingness to partner every day. They are worth it (I promise).
Back to my point about busyness though. I knew I had serious problem with busyness and the word NO when I told one of my students that I would buy every flavor of Girl Scout Cookies. To me, it was like DUH. Girl Scout Cookies + my students. Two things that everyone should say yes to all the time. I would give anything for my students. And this particular student is one that I have uniquely mentored toward the Lord. But, the other side of the coin is that every flavor of Girl Scout cookies costs a LOT of money! (Something I am still working on taking into consideration when I say YES to things) I have learned that when I don't talk with my husband about things I am making decisions on (time like committing to an event or money or other important things), it does not show him value and love. I have learned a golden phrase I must share with you all. When someone asks you for money or to commit your time to an event or organization, the very FIRST thing you should say if you are married is, "Let me talk to my husband/wife and I will get back to you." This allows you the chance to talk to your spouse, pray about the commitment, and then decide. I don't know why it took me four years to figure that one out but hopefully I can spare someone else some pain. Pain that came from one too many thousand YES's and dealing with the consequences.
I love the phrase: "do the next right thing". It's crazy to think that the minutes of our life become the days, the months, the years until our life is over. So man oh man is time so precious. How we use our time is a very significant question. I try to push myself through the busy seasons by taking one step, one task, one shopping trip, one appointment, one accountability group, one commitment at a time. "Do the next right thing" and soon your life will have been filled wholesome ways you have spent your time. Just make sure the time you are spending is time well spent- that your YES's come from a heart of joy and passion, not duty and guilt. I don't have children yet but I also don't want to spend time always folding laundry and doing dishes. I would rather have a dirty house and a thousand memories of snuggling and kissing and movie watching and game playing and talking and reading than a clean house and none of those memories or simply less of them. The dishes can wait. The school board can find someone else. The church can find others to step up when needed. FAMILY is too important to neglect. I have had to learn that I am not the answer to every organization's needs. My pride likes to think that I am. But the truth is that God is in charge, not me. And the Lord uses our stepping down to allow someone else to lead, to find their passion and their joy.
So when we say NO and learn to balance rest and busyness, we can trust that our NO is in good hands, it's in the hands of the Lord. So I can sit back, stop controlling, and watch what happens when the Lord works.
Take a note from my dog, Sage. She says YES to naps, hiking, getting excited to see people, and stealing butter off of the counter to eat it in her bed. She has no shame in saying YES to the things she loves. :)
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