Baby Life: One Year Reflections: Part Two (Specific)

Sometimes as an expectant mama, I would have wanted some practical tips for the first year. By no means am I saying anyone has to do these things or these are the best ways.. just some things that worked for us (and may or may not work for you!) but worth sharing! Advice can sometimes be overwhelming, unnecessary and unhelpful (trust me, as a mom I know how much stinking advice people LOVE to give). I think sometimes you have to figure out your own journey but I am hoping it might be nice to have a perspective from someone who just went through it! So here are some that came to my mind and I hope will help expectant parents/ mamas/ anyone :)

Labor

1) one thing I found really helpful was doing the online class for expecting parents on the website babycenter.com. I personally liked it because Tony and I could watch it when our schedule allowed and in the comfort of our own home. It also made me feel less awkward so I didn’t feel weird about learning about some of the things around other people and hearing everyone’s different opinions about all things baby, etc. This might not work for everyone but it was very helpful for me.

2) another thing that I found very helpful was slow counting during labor. The online class I did talked about how the worst part of labor has contractions that last two minutes long. This really stuck in my mind, the idea that I could do anything for two minutes so I myself and sometimes had Tony slowly, slowly count to 60. Even though it might be two minutes, I just kept having in my mind if I could get to 60 I would have a break. This method really helped me along with just really mentally thinking of positive things like foods I enjoy, vacations I want to take, things I love or anything to take my mind off the pain. I also had a fun upbeat playlist so that was also helpful.

3) funny story, I originally thought I was set on getting an epidural when I first got pregnant but the more I learned the more I didn’t like the idea of being numb all the way down my back and legs and not being able to move or be in control because I liked the idea of walking around, etc during labor. My sister and good friends around me also had a good natural birth experience so I decided to go for it. My personal conclusion: it was totally doable. Of course this is just my experience and every mom has a different take on this but I just wanted to share this and also say that it’s okay to change your mind and not feel like you have to stay completely locked in to one way of thinking. I had Jemma naturally and also chose to have her in the hospital because that is where I felt most comfortable. I started contractions around 2 am and had jemma around 9 am... again this is not everyone’s experience but I had a very good labor experience. One tip someone gave me that I embraced: try to relax and embrace the pain. I know that sounds crazy but I really just focused on my breathing and tried to bring my mind to a healthy place and just let my body do its work. If you are tense and really anxious your body will also be tense and not able to work efficiently at bringing a baby into the world.

4) just trying to be honest here for things people don’t tell you. You have to push the placenta out after labor. Just be prepared that you will do all the pushing and still have more to do but again it goes quickly if you try to relax... in my experience haha.

5) get yourself some extra underwear that you don’t mind throwing away and lots of maxi pads.. and maybe some adult diapers!! After baby you will be healing and bleeding a lot and need this. 

Breastfeeding / pumping / formula/ feeding in general

Labor was a good experience for me but breastfeeding was very, very difficult for me with Jemma (again, every mom has a different experience but this was mine!).

This is just part of our story but basically here was our experience with jemma that might offer encouragement to other mamas:

Jemma was dropping weight quickly because she was latching but not nursing well. The nurses suggested we give her a bottle of formula while at the hospital. This made Tony and I nervous and unsure as we had heard if you introduce it too early it can cause breastfeeding to not go well so we chose to keep trying to breastfed. Jemma was still losing weight and started to show signs of dehydration so our doctor agreed with the nurses to give formula and keep working on nursing. Immediately you will find out that milk supply is a tricky thing. It has to be maintained so if your baby isn’t nursing well you still have to use the breast pump to pump milk as if baby was eating so that just makes life so hard as a sleep deprived, just trying to survive mama because your life becomes: baby cries, try to breast feed (sometimes, goes well, sometimes doesn’t... for me it ended in her screaming sometimes), try to give bottle of doesn’t go well, pump if baby didn’t eat well or to finish off milk supply, try to put baby back to sleep... then it just becomes an endless vortex of never feeling rested as it takes you double the time it would if baby was actually eating... needless to say we had an exhausting, frustrating, sometimes agonizing experience trying to figure this out.

 In the end I decided to keep trying and we went to lactation consultants and even an occupational therapist who did these facial exercises because we were told she has a “weak suck”... we tried “finger feeding” (a whole method we learned that kind of helped some babies breastfeed easier as you had to hook up a little syringe with your finger and help them suck and not get hooked to the bottle)... we tried so many things and I was miserable for a long time but trying to enjoy the baby experience and sometimes definitely failing at that. I ended up making the decision to pump breast milk until six months so that Jemma could get the benefits of that but we did supplement with formula. It was a very hard and very trying season and some lessons I learned from this are that I think sometimes we can idolize breastfeeding as this kind of ultimate crown of glory for mothers and I really had to let go of this and just realize that the screaming feeding sessions of trying so hard to force it to work were hurting the bond Jemma and I had and I knew I wanted to just love on her and be with her and not be so frustrated by the feeding process which is why I finally chose to let go of the need to breastfeed. All that to say, my advice to mamas is you may not realize that feeding can be a huge struggle and it doesn’t work perfectly for many women. But I had to remind myself of truth in that my identity is not in being a breastfeeding mom but in Christ alone. And that is a point that I think the Lord is continuing to teach me by taking away things that I maybe didn't even realize how much I valued. I didn't realize how much I had been hoping to breastfeed until the Lord took it away and reminded me to rejoice and be thankful in the happy, healthy gift that is our little girl and to remind myself to keep the important things important. I wanted to share this part of our story to hopefully encourage expectant moms or current moms in this type of storm about what is important!

Other Practical Specifics

Backpack diaper bag. So much easier when you are carrying a car seat or baby than having one shoulder with all the weight. Plus, they have more storage space.

Ergo or baby carrier. Just my favorite baby item of all time. I love the snuggles and the fact that you can strap on the ergo and have baby with you while cleaning the house, going to coffee with a friend, working on your laptop, whatever. I also took it hiking and camping and fishing and shopping, just everywhere. I just really think it is a must have for all moms!! I found that I didn’t like the fabric carriers as much because I could never make it feel quite right/ comfortable but that is a personal preference!

Give your little a toy while changing the diaper. Maybe that is a no brainer but it just helps keep baby distracted while you deal with the diaper situation and sometimes keeps baby from rolling around and squirming.

Later bedtimes so that you can have baby with you. This is something that is definitely a personal preference but one parenting philosophy that Tony and I have taken on is that our children should adapt to the way we live our life instead of us changing our whole life to adapt to their needs/ schedule. Obviously this is within reason and just takes discernment for every specific situation but I just think it helps teach kids that life is not about them and they don’t get to be the dictators of the family decisions. One example of this is that we like to put Jemma to bed later (normally around 8:30 or 9) so that we can go out and do social things or activities in the evening such as dinner with friends or to see family or just out enjoying an activity together and Jemma tags along. And bonus is that baby normally sleeps in a little later because of this! But every family is different and needs to make the best decision as to what works for their family. I know my sister likes to put her babies to sleep earlier because she can have more time with her husband that way. This just works for our family especially with Tony’s new job because he is able to see Jemma more when he comes home later also.

One fun present we got for Jemma’s first birthday was a book that has the ability to record grandparents voice while reading a story! Jemma loves it and listens so closely and tries to figure it out and I can tell she recognizes the voices. It is a special thing because it is something she can always have to remember them and keep connected. Also a cool idea for deployments or other times when parents or grandparents are far away.

I bought a scrapbook called Lucy darling which I loved! It has each month for a picture and little notes and prompts to help you fill in and remember moments. It definitely made it easier in the midst of craziness to jot down and cherish pictures and memories. I also bought a book that keeps track of you writing one letter each year to your child and I started this and will continue to and probably give it to her as a graduation or wedding present.

Diaper rash: the cheaper stuff from target works just fine. If you ever see little bumps all over, this could be a yeast infection and needs anti fungal medicine (go see the doctor for a prescription). :)

Those are my little practical tips.. and I'll end with snuggle as much as possible! Because babies are a gift. And they are hard and make me crazy and bring me on my knees pleading for help from Jesus... but the sweetest, sweetest gift. Pin It

Baby Life: One Year Reflections, Part One

This last March marked the ONE year mark for us keeping a little human alive.

It's fun for me to reflect on what I've learned and how I've grown in this last year. The Lord has taught me so much through being a parent. By no means do I have it all together even a little bit and I have learned by failure and misery at times until the Lord has humbled me and gently taught me. I wanted to share in the hopes that future moms or current moms or anyone reading gets some encouragement and reminders of truth through some of my musings.

I decided to split up my thoughts into kind of general things I would share and specific/ practical so here they are (starting with part one, more general themes!):

Biggest thing: my identity and meaning and purpose is found in Christ alone. It is easy to let parenting take over your mind and thoughts and actions and who you are but you will be a better parent when you know who you are in Christ and that is where your energy and love come from.

Christ has to be your rock, not your spouse. There have been so many times where I have been looking to Tony to come up with the solutions to different problems and been frustrated when he can’t provide the answers am I seeking which I have found to be because I have to look to Christ to fufill me, not Tony.

Let your walls down and let others into your mess. Many times we are stubborn and prideful, unwilling to allow others to see that we don’t have it together as parents or just the simple fact that our life is not perfect. Something I’ve learned this year is to let go of that facade and be real about what I need and how others can help with baby or just with life. Confession is huge. Sharing with others how you are struggling and how sin looks in your life and asking others to get on their knees in prayer with you is a practice that invites others into your vulnerability and creates a welcoming space for others to share their struggles too.

Your attitude is your choice no matter what is going on around you. We had some breastfeeding issues with Jemma and my sin got the best of me many of the hard moments. I was angry and tired and frustrated. I didn’t have the bond with Jemma at times because she was screaming and not eating well and I was stressed. But I have learned (through failure over and over) that I always have the choice of how I react in a situation. Whatever external factors are going on, I always have the choice as to my attitude in that situation and I cannot blame others or the situation for my response. If I choose to be grumpy and mean and angry, that is my choice and it is not Tony or Jemma or anyone else that is forcing me to have that attitude. In the counseling world, this is a huge life changing theory and it is also biblically based in that we should take responsibility for ourselves and our sin. We need Christ but we have choices in our attitude.

Let go of the need to control and let it be ok that others might do things different than you (aunts, grandparents, friends who watch your kids, etc). It is so hard to do sometimes because you get used to a certain way that you like to do things with your child but I have seen the beauty in allowing others to love on Jemma in their own way and to try and free myself of the need to control all the things when I’m not with her (feeding, sleeping, playing routines, etc).

Let go of the need for things to be clean and perfect.

Judgement: I did everything I said I wouldn't... or most things hahaha. My basic point here is just to stop the judgement and love others well. Someday you could be the mama in the back of the plane with the screaming baby or trying out different methods of work/ mom balance or sleeping or feeding methods or discipline methods. Have grace mamas, have patience mamas, give all your methods and work as a mama to the Lord... He created YOU, He created your babies, give others grace and patience and allow others to change their mind even if they were 100% adamant about a certain method. We should be supportive of each other... moming is already hard enough without having friends or other moms bringing each other down.

Comparison. This is one of the biggest struggles in mom life. The temptation to compare yourself to other families and other moms. Don’t do it. Do your own thing and allow God to use your story right where you are instead of feeling like you need to look or behave or appear the way other people in your life do. The differences God gave us in our giftings and passions and natural bents are for His glory and trying to be like everyone else diminishes our joy and our unique light for the world.

My identity is in Christ. Not in being the perfect mother. Not in Jemma behaving or responding to me in a perfect way. Not in having the perfect home or job or type of success. I can release the need to show perfection to the world and show Christ and my imperfections and Gods grace in the craziness instead (which is so much more refreshing and honest than trying and failing to show perfection).

Make time for things you enjoy. You need this to feel rejuvenated and you need to have things you enjoy OUTSIDE of being a mom. This year with little baby I tried to set SMALL goals each day for personal fun (example: read a little of my book today, write a paragraph, hike...). Even if it was something small, it made me feel like I had some time for me. Even if you sometimes have to bring baby along... something cool about hiking or running or exercising with your kids is that you are also setting that example for them that they can see and have a role model for a healthy lifestyle and why it is good for your body and they will try it and hopefully enjoy it themselves one day!

Make time for your marriage. The priorities in life should be: God, husband, kids. I have to remind myself all the time to really, really try and make sure Tony and I have time to laugh and flirt and talk openly and talk honestly and have time for us so we can be genuinely loving each other and on the same page with parenting.

Flexibility, flexibility, flexibility. This has been a huge lesson for me. Having the expectation of life and situations looking a certain way has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety and I think releasing that and giving it to God has helped me to enjoy Jemma more. Even things like: she has to eat this certain thing or sleep at this certain time or I have to work out or do this certain errand today. Sometimes for me just letting things be easy with flexibility with life with baby has helped me so much. Also realizing that my need for control and anxiousness over not having control is me essentially not giving that trust to God. God is trustworthy and has shown me has faithfulness in the little and big things.

Baseball game example- parenting is HARD. Tony and I really worked hard to talk about how we wanted to parent before we had Jemma so that we felt ready. But honestly it stretches you and having the little life in front of you pushing you to your limits challenges the principles you want to stick with. One little specific example I have for you: don't let baby keep you from at least TRYING to continuing to do the things you love. To me, the best thing you can teach your children is that life is not about them. My firm belief is we should be teaching them about Jesus and loving others. And even when they are even as young as three months old, they can learn that life is not about them and that they are jumping in with our life. But I am so not perfect at this. I once felt so worried about taking Jemma to a baseball game because I was afraid she would cry and not really have a place to go and want to run around. But she LOVED it. She ate her snacks and watched it and watched people and had the best time. It was a reminder to me that I shouldn't let my fears about her keep me from TRYING to go and do what I want to do (within reason). Sometimes, honestly, you can't make it work (baby is losing it, you have to step outside, etc). But TRY to keep living your life! :) :) And ask Jesus to continually give you lots of patience.

There is a lot here with lots of scattered thoughts and snippets but I wanted to put words to what the Lord is teaching me and I hope it helps someone out there. Motherhood is a sweet, sweet gift that I am so thankful for and that God is using every day in my life show me that I am WEAK and He is STRONG. :)

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