About four years ago, Tony and I sat down for a breakfast out
together and made a list of life goals. On that list was a goal for me
to pursue a masters in counseling. I was never really sure I would ever
achieve it but I took one faithful step, then another, trying to trust
God even when I felt uncertain. There were so many questions and
challenges: the first step was choosing a school that worked with my
schedule, then applying, then hey I got in!, then how will we pay for
this?, then it was figuring out how to squeeze in attempting to take
masters level courses while teaching and coaching full time... there
were some days I was juggling practice and games and grading papers and
writing my own papers and taking my own exams.... then we got pregnant
and it was how do I do this while trying to be a loving and available
mom... how do I do this with little sleep and energy... then it was how
will I find someone to watch baby while I go to my counseling
internship... and now here we are.... I am in my last internship
semester (my last out of five total internship semesters) and about to
take my Counselor Preparation Comprehensive Exam (CPCE) in March.
My
internship experiences have been quite the ride from working with
families of children who have autism to working with teen boys who have
committed sexual crimes to my dream now of working with teen girls. I
have learned SO many truths that have radically changed the way I view
and think about myself and others.
Two things I know are true:
1) I can
do nothing apart from Christ. God has provided every single step of the
way... that has been so, so clear to me and all I have is given to me by
God to be used for Him.
2) I can do nothing without my community. So
many people have encouraged me when I wanted to give up and reminded me
of my purpose and my goals. My community has been so gracious in
watching Jemma (Auntie Holls, “Auntie” Lauries, Grammy, and so many
others) so I can learn more and help others, in asking me how I am doing
and checking on me, in allowing me to vent or explore or ask questions
or share. I don’t know all the answers... I don’t know what it might
look like to continue counseling others and have a family... I don’t
know how all this will work... I never have. But I do know that God is
good and trustworthy and that the more I learn, the more I love sharing
what I am learning to help others.
If you want to join me you can pray for 3 things:
1. that I will pass my CPCE exam in March
2. that I will have continued patience to finish my last semester
strong to love on some teen girls in a group home (a lot of whom have
some major abuse or trauma in their past and like to cuss or slam things
or scream at me sometimes... but then sometimes we have incredible days
that make it all worth it!). I love these girls and I know God has placed me with them and at this internship.
3. that God would get ALL the glory and the gospel would be made known
and shared as I counsel others... God is who made all of this happen
anyway and where all TRUTH comes from in the first place and I am so thankful.Here is my encouragement to anyone reading: take those steps in the uncertain. I started off not knowing where pursuing this would lead me and I still don't. But I do know that through taking those steps in the uncertainty, I have learned so much and seen God provide.
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