It’s been awhile since I have updated the blog. Since I have
last written, Tony and I welcomed our little girl, Jemma Ruth Luiken. Needless
to say, a LOT and I mean A LOT A LOT has gone down in my heart and learning
since I last wrote (almost six months ago!).
Is parenting hard? Yes. Is it worth it? A thousand times
yes. I think the number one thing parenting has taught me is my selfishness.
Before I had Jemma, I thought that giving up my time/ agenda/ priorities would
be easy. I think I thought oh my gosh how can moms who stay at home complain
they have all this time on their hands. But man does a baby take up so much
more time than I realized. And it always seems like the times I want to be the
most productive are the times little girl has other ideas in mind. God is
teaching me to let go of my to do list and cherish these times with my girl.
Hold her, love her. Let go of my need to check off the boxes for my day and
just smell her baby smell and sit and snuggle. I heard the other day that your work as a parent is eternal work but your jobs/ to do list/ clean or not house will
come and go. So true. I want my girl to know how much I love her and that she
is forever more important to me than any task I could accomplish.
Something else I am learning through parenting? Man the
comparison game hits you hard. I thought I would handle all the opinions
because I like to think of myself as a person who is not afraid to share what I
think. But as soon as you get pregnant, it’s like everyone feels like they need
to share everything they ever learned about parenting. It gets worse when you
get bigger pregnant because you become a visual conversation piece. I would
walk into a room and people would see that I was pregnant and they would just
start sharing labor and delivery stories and breastfeeding stories, etc, etc.
When I would drink coffee while pregnant, people felt the
need to share they didn’t think that was best (even if I was drinking decaf).
People would ask about whether I was going to deliver natural or epidural, was I
going to breastfeed or formula feed, what kind of toys/ gadgets would I get.
The mom game is full of questions like sound machine or no sound machine,
vaccines or no vaccines, day care or stay at home, co sleeping or separate
crib, pacifier or no pacifier and man the list just goes on. And I know it
doesn’t get any easier because then your kids get older and you start worrying
about how they are doing compared to other kiddos developmentally and how they
are eating solids and what time to put them to bed (and man things like who
they are going to marry, their career, oh boy!).
Recently, I have been podcasting and it has been SO GOOD. I
highly recommend the podcast Risen Motherhood for all mamas. It has been
rocking my world and reminding me of the gospel BIG TIME through all this
madness. Podcasting has been a huge blessing as a mom of a little because you
can listen to it while you are feeding, cleaning bottles, cleaning dishes,
changing diapers, walking with the stroller. You can get little tidbits of
truth and nuggets for conversations. I used to try to watch TV while feeding
and I quickly found that it left me feeling empty. I am loving the podcasts
that are full of the rich depth of the gospel and help center my heart on the
Lord.
Anyway, back to the comparison game. The biggest truth I
have been learning is just that the best thing we can focus on and teach our
kiddos about is Christ. If all we think about/ worry about/ talk about during
the day is our gluten free diet or why we like vaccines or why breastfeeding is
better or why the sound machine is better, then we have MISSED the big stuff.
We should be focusing on pointing our kids to Christ. Letting our hearts and
our minds rest in the truth of God’s Word and letting our kids see that we care
most about the eternal things. We can ask ourselves: “Am I constantly talking
about ________? Do I try to convince others to do ___________? Do I judge
others who don’t do _________ or do __________?" If so, I probably have the sin
of pride and arrogance going on in my heart. Those things are probably idols in
our hearts. Anything that we are allowing our hearts and minds to continually
dwell on that is NOT Christ is an idol. We can ask ourselves: What do we value?
One way to recognize this is to see how we react when something is taken away.
What happens when the sound machine doesn’t work, how do we react when someone
accidently feeds our child a food not on our diet or how do I react when I
don’t get the time I wanted during nap time? Do I melt down and have a fit? If
so, these are things I probably need to give to the Lord.
All of the above are just examples. The point is there is no
one way that is better. I am learning to give the moms around me grace. To love
the difference moms have and embrace them for who they are. And I can
ABSOLUTELY tell you that came from the Lord. Before the Lord worked on that in
my heart, I can tell you that I definitely had an opinion about how I thought
parenting should go. I had this idea of how it all should go down and I felt
very self righteous about my opinions. But now, I still have the ideas I have
about what I think is best but I am flexible. I am open. I listen. I recognize
that it is OKAY if a mom has a different opinion than me and there is no need
for me to convince her that my way is right. I am understanding to other moms
and I do my best to not judge them. I remind myself that the best mom is not the
one who uses a sound machine or breastfeeds or stays at home or whatever you
fill in the blank. The best mom we can be is a mom who recognizes that she is
not perfect and points her kiddos to the one who is (Christ!). And the best
friend to moms I can be is one who doesn’t judge another mom but instead
listens, encourages, and points other moms back to Christ. And that is what
this post is for. Just to say, hey if you are a mom, what a gift!! Use that
gift for the Lord. Point that baby (no matter how old) to the Lord. Remind
yourself that it is good for your kids to see that you are not perfect because
that teaches them about the gospel which is that we aren’t perfect but are in
need of a savior! This truth is rocking my world lately. I am continually
finding myself pointing my thoughts back to this truth, trying to dwell on it.
And maybe I can encourage whoever is reading to dwell on it too.
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