You
know those stories that just ache from your soul to tell and to share? This is
one of them for me. The words and thoughts fumble around in my mind day to day.
I know I won’t express or communicate them perfectly but my goal is just to
share. I certainly don’t expect everyone to take on the same view as me; that
is not my goal in this post. Writing is therapy for me, a way to wring out my
experiences and thoughts, to work out and work through meaning in what I have
seen. I share because I must, I share because it’s soothing.
It’s
hard for me to believe where life takes me sometimes. I graduated from college
with a teaching degree, got married and followed my love to Alaska, and ended
up applying for and getting hired for a job in Child Protection as a Social
Worker in ALASKA of all places. I knew I loved working with children and
families but I had no idea that working in this field is where God had me for a
year and a half. I am now teaching but still going back to working in child
protection social work during the summers I have off. It is work that tears at
your heart, mind, and soul every minute. Teaching is sweet rest for me- a
passion that draws me up and awake every day. Social work is humbling, eye
opening, soul aching, emotion filled, bittersweet, never ending, heart
wrenching, full, rewarding work. There are things that I saw and experienced in
child protection that I will never be able to stop thinking about it. And I
don’t know that I want to, because they shaped me into who I am. In fact, I am
still working through my own heart about cases I had: wondering about the
families and children I worked with, experiencing guilt over whether I could
have done more, and joy when I hear about families who are doing well. I replay
the past in my mind repeatedly; it’s hard to let go of what you see.
A
day in the life of a child protection social worker includes the following (I
worked in Family Services): being asked to manage 25 or more family cases which
includes visiting with the children (sometimes sibling sets), foster parents, and
parents on a monthly basis, responding and reporting to everyone involved in
the cases (includes lawyers for each parent, sometimes the child has a lawyer,
the judge, the guardian ad litem {a court appointed worker who advocates for
the child’s best interest}, sometimes counselors, substance abuse agencies,
health care professionals, schools, foster care and adoption agencies, and
anyone else involved in each of those 25 or more cases), testifying in court
when requested, responding to 200 or more emails and phone calls a day,
attending court hearings, attending planning meetings (that often include upset
and hostile parents or others involved in the case), investigating possible
current or past abuse or neglect that children on your cases have experienced
(including sexual abuse), responding to first priority safety alerts such as a
teen who is suicidal or a child who ran away from a foster home or group home,
filling out referral paperwork for substance abuse recovery programs, mental
health facilities, group homes, or residential centers, finding a foster or
adoptive home for children on your caseload and some with complex issues such
as attachment disorder, or special mental or behavioral needs, sometimes watching
a child or providing transportation for them from one appointment to the next,
removing a child from a home, holding conversations with parents who are torn
between committing to their addiction or their children, parents who wish to
cuss you out because they are unwilling to see their part of the problem in
their life (this happened almost daily), and the list goes on and on.
Some
of the toughest parts of the job are prioritizing all of the needs of your cases
(do you prioritize investigating possible sexual abuse or finding a runaway
child?) and hearing complaint after complaint from everyone involved that you
are not doing enough (a thought you already have 1,000 times a day). I pride
myself on being a hard worker and doing my best work possible, I always have.
In the field of child protection, those qualities exhaust you to your core.
There is never an end to the tasks and you never feel you have enough time to
give your cases the attention they deserve. If you spend a lot of time with one family, your 24 other case families suffer. I have shared experiences with
social workers who talk about sleepless nights, thinking relentlessly about
cases, and the struggle to find personal time and rest and not feel guilty
about it.
I
don’t share this to boast, I share it to tell you I’ve been there. I’ve been
there with my families, walking with them through their victories and their
failures. Deeply hurting children and parents have shared stories of violence,
abuse, and pain with me. I’ve celebrated with parents when they slowly work to
overcome their addictions and eventually reunite with their children. I’ve
clapped the loudest of all in the courtroom when some incredible foster parents
become adoptive parents to children they’ve loved as their own since day one. I’ve
seen parents beam through glistening eyes when I tell them how proud I am of
them for putting their children first and working to make things right again.
I’ve been there when I have to tell a child that I haven’t heard from their
mother in three months. I’ve been there when a child thinks that mommy and
daddy fighting and the police at their house two times a week is normal. I’ve
been there when a teenage girl shares of repeated rape through her childhood.
I
had to learn in my time how to give the pain and hurt from the stories to God,
to trust Him wholly with my families. I can’t believe that all things are in my
control and I can’t change every situation. This is God’s role. I can’t control
the abuse that happened in the life of my families. I can only do what I can,
do my best, and leave the rest to God. I had to realize that I am not the
answer for my families, Jesus is. I don’t get to share my faith in my work, but
I do get to love my families well and give them hope. I’ve seen many social
workers burn out because they believe that THEY are the answer for their
families. Surely not. We can only do what we can to serve others and there are
things that are out of our control. The child protection worker’s burden is a
big one: guilt, fear, worry, anxiousness fill your day. The child protection workers are the ones responding to the late night calls for immediate action, to help provide safety for children in need. But no burden is too
big for the God we serve.
I
feel deeply for those in social work, especially in the field of child
protection. There is a lot of hate and hurt and bashing on child protection
workers that goes on. The thing is, I will be the first to raise my hand and
say there are flaws in government and child protection work. I know because
I’ve been there. I’ve seen it for myself. It is not a perfect system, nowhere
near it. Broken people make up a broken system and there are no easy answers
and solutions. Social workers get tired and worn out and run down. The tasks
are endless and time is a precious commodity. I don’t think that blaming the
system or social workers for a case’s outcome is the right way to go. All cases
have several eyes and hears on the child and a judge makes the final decision.
I
write not to impart despair but to impart hope. There is no situation too far
gone, no situation too hopeless, no situation impossible for the God we serve.
HOPE is what should shout from your soul as a believer. The truth is this life,
this world is NOT all there is. Yes, there is sin. Yes, I have seen horrific
pain. Yes, I have seen innocent children abused. But the inexpressibly
beautiful thing is that Jesus has overcome death. Jesus has overcome sin. There
is eternal life. The LORD is making all things NEW. No more pain, hurt,
addiction, abuse, sin. INSTEAD: JOY, HOPE, PEACE, FORGIVENESS, ENDLESS SONGS
AND SONGS FOR OUR SAVIOR! I can’t wait for that day.
So
I write to reflect on what CAN be done, not what HASN’T been done or what ISN’T
happening. What IS happening is that I have seen parents claim victory over
their addiction and reunite with their children who long to be with them. What
IS happening is that I have met some amazingly dedicated foster and adoptive
parents who have been there with some very hurting children through every peak
and valley, foster and adoptive parents who never give up on that child no
matter what that child may bring into their home. What IS happening is that
there are people out there who want to help by supporting foster families,
bringing meals, providing transportation.
What
CAN be done? Well, we can start by asking what we CAN do to help our community
instead of blaming the government. We can pray for those in our legal system, judges and lawyers, that they might have wisdom and compassion when needed. We can commit to child safety in our own homes, remembering that we are no better than another and are accountable for our own actions. We can seek help for our areas of weakness when needed, realizing that our pride is not worth child abuse. We can understand that safety does not mean wealth. We can commit to being foster parents (there
is always a need for more foster parents). We can foster children in need and
support the birth parents of the foster child at the same time. We can speak
positively about birth parents in front of foster children. We can rejoice and
celebrate when broken and hurting parents overcome their challenges and reach
their case plan goals and are able to reunite with their children. We can partner with agencies to mentor parents who need help and walk alongside of them. We can stay committed to the children we welcome into our home, remembering that these are children who have had adults fail them over and over. Yes, this
will be messy for foster parents. Yes, it will hurt tremendously to love a
child like your own and then have them leave your home. No, there are no band
aids or easy answers for this hurt. But you can be sure that you are helping
your community, so many families, and serving the Lord in His asking believers
to care for the widow and the orphan. We can adopt these hurting children if
need be. We can commit to fostering complex children like older teenagers,
sibling sets, or children with special needs (there is an enormous need for
this).
Can’t
commit to fostering and adopting or you don’t feel this is your calling? Commit
to encouraging and loving on anyone in this field. Bring a meal to the foster
and adoptive families. Offer to help with transportation. Offer to babysit or
take a child out to ice cream. Smile and encourage every foster and adoptive
family you know. Remind them that they are making a huge difference. Remind
them that you are thankful for them. Bring them coffee. Do you know someone in
the social work field? Encourage them. When 98% of your day is complaints, a
smile or words of inspiration work WONDERS. Consider donating goods to your
local child protection agency: clothes of any size, car seats, toys. Consider
committing to a mentor program for youth in need: Big Brothers, Big Sisters or
a special needs agency. Consider working in social work or volunteering.
My
biggest charge is that we become part of solution, not the problem. Instead of
talking about what is not happening, make it happen. Instead of complaining,
help to make changes.
HOPE
should define the life of the believer. Psalm 147:11- “The Lord delights in
those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love”. There is so much
sin in the world, but there is also HOPE to be had.
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