Man, I've been pondering this post for awhile. It's been on my heart to write as honestly as possible about my first year of teaching. Sometimes, I feel the need to "better up" my life for my blog. I feel the need to somehow make my life appear more put together than someone else. How wrong I am. We are all a big mess. When I stand before the Lord and see myself truly, I see that I am so small and my life is completely for HIS glory and not my own. My sin and my need for Him is what draws me closer to Jesus. I want to be vulnerable and transparent because I know that is the only way I can truly point to Jesus. What I truly want is an honest, genuine picture of my life. With the ups and downs and bitterness and sweetness and pain and joy. So, here it goes... these are a few thoughts and lessons from my first year of teaching with all the wreck and mayhem mixed in.
(1) I have learned what it feels like to be a parent. (To 100 junior high students)
Being a teacher has really shown me what it feels like to be a parent. I love my students so much, and I want them to learn and be successful, but most of all I want to draw them to Jesus. I will work weeks on a lesson and be super excited about it. Sometimes it is fun and amazing and I can see my students learning. MOST times it never goes the way I plan. I don't have the exact supplies I wanted or there is a concept that I am having trouble explaining. I get frustrated when my students seem to me to be lazy or ungrateful. I want them to make the right choices, academically and character-wise and I want to direct them in the path of the Lord. All of this has shown me that this may be what it looks like to be a parent. And has taught me to realize that my students are sinners as well. No one is perfect. I can't expect them to be. And I have learned to roll with the punches and keep trying to improve, even when my lesson doesn't go the way I wanted it to.
(2) Parent Ministry
I have learned (the hard way) that parents are a HUGE part of what I do as a teacher. I love junior high kids. I can do junior high kids. I have worked with this age group for almost six years in ministry or otherwise. So, when I started to realize that as I teacher I would be having interactions with parents multiple times a day, it kind of came as a shock. The way that I treat the parents of my students reflects the way that I love my students. It is not a one way ministry, it is a family ministry to be a teacher. I once had a parent email me, upset about the way I had handled a situation with their child. Because of the way the parent emailed me, I responded harshly, defending what I had done. Later, I met the parent for a parent teacher conference. The conference helped to clear some things up and get us both on the right track and was very positive. However, the parent let me know she had shared the email I had written to her with her child. I felt embarrassed that my student had heard that email. It didn't show my care and concern for my student. I realized that I have to love the parents of my students as much as I love my students. I have to see my teaching as an ministry to everyone around me, not just the students. It is a ministry to students, parents, administration, other staff, janitors, recess duty, after school care, and everything in between.
(3) Let it be okay to say sorry.
I have learned that I will mess up. This is a truth that will never change. So, if I feel I was being impatient or spoke out of anger to a student, I want it to be okay to say sorry. I think it is so good for students (and eventually my own children) to see that I am not perfect. This means apologizing sometimes and this is okay. Also, I want it to be okay for me to go back and re-teach something if I didn't feel like I taught it well the first time. I would rather risk my pride than my students not learning because I didn't want to appear like I didn't do something well. I have also learned that it is okay to change something if it's not working. If a classroom method (like homework or quizzes or test review or behavior consequences) isn't working, it is okay to change it. I started doing "Bell Work" when my students came in this year which really helped. They have something to work on to start the class and get their brains going. It gives a direction to the class. When my students came back from Christmas break, I started giving two bathroom passes for every six weeks. If a student uses both (unless it is a complete emergency), they can't use anymore. It is okay to change things if they aren't working. This has saved me a lot of frustration. Lesson learned: do what works and don't be afraid to change things. :)
(3) Truth and Grace
"For the Law was given through Moses. GRACE and TRUTH came through Jesus Christ." John 1:17
"Rather, speaking the TRUTH in LOVE, we are are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ." Ephesians 4:15
I have learned that when talking with both parents and my students, I need to speak with truth and grace. I want to be honest about areas that are weak and need improvement (academic or behavior wise) but I also want to speak with grace on those areas, recognizing I am not perfect either. I can't lean too much on one area. I can't only speak in grace, not presenting the truth about a child. But, I can't lean only in truth, not presenting the love of Christ. It is a balance beam, that I am very much still learning.
(4) DON'T BE A FRIEND and holding to high standards
Lesson #4- it is NOT helpful to be a friend to my students. Also, when I see parents who are friends with their children, it doesn't work. The Lord gave us the gift of the children in our lives for a reason and it is not to be besties with them. I want to have fun with them, to be humorous, to be loving, to be kind. But I am not to be their friend. There is a boundary there. I am the authority and it is my job to call my students out when I need to. This is out of love. It is not loving or kind to let my students continue in a behavior simply because I want them to like me. I want to hold my students to HIGH standards and this means holding them accountable for work not turned in or for inappropriate behaviors. This is loving and this is my job as their authority. I have found that boundaries create freedom. When students know what to expect, they work to that standard. When looking at my own life, I know the teachers that were my favorite were the ones that held me to a high standard academically and behaviorally. This leads me to my next lesson.
(5) Don't love based on behavior. This is not the gospel.
I try to be very clear with my students that I don't love them based on their behavior. I will hold them to a high standard and hold them accountable for their actions, their words, their work. But I don't love them based on their behavior. Whether you are an A student or barely passing my class or you are a student who has trouble listening or is disrespectful or you never have behavior problems, I care about my students and love them each the same. When you favorite as a teacher and show that you care only about the A students or the students who have better behavior, you are sending the message that you love based on behavior. It is a concept I am still learning and struggle with every day. It is hard to feel loved when you are called out on behavior. But I have to remind myself that this is loving. And I have to be fair in my discipline, making sure my students see that the consequences are for everyone not just for certain students.
Romans 5:8 says "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us". We can't earn our way into God's love. All of us are the "bad behavior kids". We are all, each one of us, sinners and even the best of what we have to offer is filthy rags. But the hope, the gift we have is that Christ died for us even we were in that sin.
I want to send that same message as a teacher. And eventually, as a parent. That I love my students no matter what. My care and concern for them doesn't change when they mess up. Because I am so deeply thankful that God does that for me.
These are just a few of the many, many lessons I am learning on a daily basis as a first year teacher. I KNOW that I am not perfect. I mess up all the time. But this is okay. And each day I teach, I get better. I get more practice and I keep trying and I keep learning. I never want to be stuck in my ways. There are always things I can be doing better. Teaching has been SO much fun. I love teaching science and doing experiments and hands on work and field trips. I love teaching at a Christian school where I can openly talk about my faith and share scripture. I am so thankful to be teaching because that in itself is a gift from the Lord. And I love the days that I am on and things just seem to work. But I am also glad for the days when it's not working. Because I can take those moments and keep learning and remain on my knees before the Lord, reminding myself of the gift of grace.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will BOAST all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
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